This is a classic!
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One brisk November evening I was in my house, warm and toasty, playing Minecraft. I had just heard of a new server, ______, that was critaclly-acclaimed and very popular. I went on the server, and spawned in the normal spawn place. It started out well at first, I even became the most powerful player on the server, with an impossibly powerful faction, base, and equipment, we even managed to kill the Ender Dragon and get the Egg. It all went downhill from there. My best warrior was banned for "illegal characters in chat" and my secret diamond stash was griefed, but I did not become paranoid, no.... I learned from my mistakes, I disbaned my entire faction, and started a new one with me and my most trusted members, and we holed up in our End Base. It was impossible for anyone else to get in, because we sent $100 dollars to the server owner as a "gift" and he blocked up the End Portal with bedrock as a "gift." We sat, for many moons, waiting and waiting and waiting for SOMETHING TO HAPPEN!!!

Eventually, one day, a man on a horse appeared on our doorstep, he shouted out, "Come imposter!!!" I replied, "What is it? Know that you speak to the most powerful being in this server!"

He said, "No, that is a lie, I am the most powerful being." I shot a single arrow, which pieced his heart and he fell.

I realized that he had gotten in somehow and knew that the server owner had betrayed me. I used my special talents to figure out where he lived, amd slaughtered him, cutting up his body, slowly, watching each drop drip, drip, drip. I ate his heart out of curiousity and left his innards for crows. I left what was left of him on a burning brazier, as a warning to all who would dare QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, MY RIGHT TO RULE, MY POWER!!!!!!

As the new server owner, I banned the imposter who challenged me earlier and got one of the admins to build me a new body, a massive machine that would allow me to transcend the barriers of science and allow me to fully live in Minecraft, so that I WILL ALWAYS BE THE MASTER NO ONE WOULD DARE CHALLENGE A GOD!!!!!!! I told him to not to tell anyone, and if they asked, ban them.

I did some more research, and learned how to hypnotize people with text. I enslaved some more admins and players to assist me and eventually they told me that this was impossible. LIES!!! I banned them and forgot about it, until an admin (now only my inner circle) told me someone found it. I enslaved them, and they continued my work. When they finished I manged to transcend, and now more are working. I will be a god. I AM NE@R!!!!! YOU WILL BOW OR DIE BY MY SWORD, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THAT THIS IS MY DESTINY MY FATE!!!!!!!!!! I AM KING OF OLD, THE NE@R, THE NEW AGE!!!!!