How to Summon Shrek Steve

this is a trollpatsa u comrades

requirements
you will need:

1 kg of onions

1 liter of rakija

water

flour

yeast (optional)

an oven

a table

a bowl

a megaphone

some conspiracy theories found on internet

a living animal

two glasses

how to do it
step 1:

make dough in a way one normal people would make it (add dough, yeast and water, mix well and wait until it grows)

step 2:

After it grows, put it in the oven. bake on 200 degrees celsius for 30 minutes

step 3:

Put baked dough on the table, place 1 kg of onions in the bowl

step 4:

grab your megaphone and start reading conspiracy teories while yelling through it. if people ask you to read more, then read some random shrek dialogue

a scent of onions will fill the air as ground start to shake

step 5:

turn around. its shrek

step 6:

sit with him.

step 7:

pour him rakija

step 8:

this is where this game/ritual truly begins. your goal is to talk with shrek steve as much as you can while drinking rakija and eating onions. you can talk with him about anything, but embarassing and taboo topics will speed up the game/ritual. this phase will finish when both of you run out of rakija and onions. if you fail to keep up the coversation, you will die. if you get drunk and pass out, you will be brought to his "pleasure cage" along with many other who failed while being drunk for the rest of your life. if a beautiful onion aroma proves to be too much to you, you will end up as an onion farmer for the rest of your life.

step 9:

after that phase has ended, shrek steve will get up. you should do the same. after that, he will ask you to repeat words that he says. you should do so. for each mistake, shrek steve will slap you so hard that it will smell like onions on the place you were slapped.

step 10:

when you are done with that, shrek steve will handshake you. there will be an onion tattoo on your hand.

congratulations. you have won this ritual. from now on, the only food you need to survive are onions. you can make any woman or man (depending on your gender or sexual orientation) fall in love with you just by saying the word shrek near them. when you die, you will join shrek steve in his adventures as one of few allies he managed to acquire with this ritual.

so, do you want to risk it all?