The Talking Diamond

I was walking through a cave I had discovered in my single player world that I called NO NOOBS ALLOWED (cringe). I had an iron pickaxe in my right hand, ready to mine any valuable ore. Except for emerald and obsidian, that would have to wait.

Anyways, I continued to walk forward into the darkness of the cave, placing a torch every ten or so blocks. There was some redstone. I really wanted to mine it, but there was only one square of space left in my inventory. Those ores would have to wait because I was searching for something a little more valuable.

I started wandering about in my mind thinking about all the cool things I would find while walking down a hallway of stone, useless ores, and dirt. I stopped placing torches down by then. Oh, the things I’ll find, I will be a pro in no time at all I thought. I wonder if I’ll find- I snapped out of my wonderful thinking to find myself falling down a twenty-block-deep hole. Luckily, there was some water below me that I simply plopped down in. Whew! That was close. Where am I? I placed a few torches down that illuminated the darkness. I saw two zombies, three spiders, and one skeleton who were all waiting for me to arrive in their cave.

“Hello there,” I said politely “have you been expecting me?”

The monsters growled in response as if saying, “Yes, now die!”

I took out my stone sword, hmm not much, but it should do the job I thought. The skeleton fired a shot but, I was able to dodge it.

“Damn, you guys are slooow.”

One of the zombies charged at me, it punched a two of my health points away.

“Ouch! Ok, now you’re dead!” I slashed at it a few times and it died.

“Who’s next?” I said, waiting for them to retreat in fear.

The skeleton shot at me again, this time hitting my right arm. Yeah, I forgot their programmed NOT to run away. I rushed toward the skeleton before it could fire another shot and with three strikes he was nothing but a pile of bones. That’s when one of the spiders attempted to jump on me, but I raised my blade up and gave it a swing, the eight-legged corpse disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Another spider was walking towards me ready to pounce, but I jumped and killed it with one blow.

“Man, I’m on fire today!"

I then took out a bow and three arrows. I hit the zombie two times in the head, killing it. I used the final arrow to kill the spider.

“Yeah! Another headshot!”

The yellow and green XP orbs flooded into my level bar.

I continued to walk about the cave, that’s when I saw a 4x4 tunnel.

“Hey, Herobrine! Are you there?” I joked.

“No, he’s not here, but I am.” I heard an unfamiliar voice that made me jump.

“What the f***!” I shouted.

“Woah there, watch your mouth.” The mysterious voice said.

“Who’s there?” My voice echoed throughout the tunnel.

“I’m here.” the voice responded.

“Well then, come out and show yourself!” I shot back.

“I can’t.”

“And why is that?” I asked.

“I don’t have legs.” The voice said.

“Fine, I’ll come in, but you better not jump out at me or some sh*t.”

“Language, friend.”

I walked slowly and carefully, farther down into the darkness of the tunnel. This weirdo isn’t going to fool me I thought. I came to a dead end.

“Where are you?”

“Look to the heavens.” The voice said.

“What?”

“Look up!”

I did as the voice said and raised my head to see a diamond ore right above me.

“Let me guess, you’re that diamond.” I started laughing.

“You bet.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m the diamond you seek.”

“No way.” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, or hearing, I guess.

“Yes way,” The diamond said “Allow me to introduce myself, my name, well, I don’t really have a name. I am a diamond.”

“Yes, I can see that.” I responded.

“You have been chosen by the God’s, to take me in your arms and treat me as a trophy.”

“Really?” I wasn’t so sure about what the diamond was saying was true.

“No, I just wanted to make this moment special.”

“So, you’re a talking diamond…”

“Yes, and you are a talking pile of cubes.” The diamond said.

“Hey, I’m a human in real life!”

“Yes, but from my perspective you are a noob wearing a gay skin.” Said the talking diamond.

“A fire creeper is not gay!” I barked (also there is nothing wrong with being gay and nobody should make it sound bad, not even a talking diamond).

I was still surprised to find such a strange entity, an English-speaking diamond. Wow, I could become famous I thought.

“Um, so you want to come home with me?” I asked.

“Sure, that would be nice,” the diamond said, “I never got to see the overworld’s surface.”

“Well to day’s your lucky day.” I said as I mined the diamond ore with my iron pickaxe. “Ah, it feels good to finally be freed from that stone prison.” The diamond said. I made it back to the surface with my strange new treasure.

“Woah…” the diamond said.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” I inquired.

“Uh-huh…what are those?”

The diamond seemed to be wondering about the trees. “What? You mean trees?”

“I think I’ve heard stories about trees,” The diamond said, “but I never thought they’d be so beautiful.”

“Yeah, they are.” I agreed.

“Oh, are those the clouds I’ve been hearing about?” the diamond was mentioning the white blocky shapes sailing throughout in the blue sky gracefully.

“Yep.” I responded.

“And what the heck is that? A giant cat?” he said, addressing the giant wooden block which was my house.

“What? No! That’s my home!” I barked.

“You’d be a lot better, living in the mines.”

“Yeah, sure.” I said sarcastically.

I took the mouthy diamond into my house and put him in my chest.

“Will you be ok with sleeping in here?” I asked.

“It’ll do for now,” He responded, “it’s better then spending my years crammed between a bunch of cold stone.”

“Yeah, well don’t make me regret taking you with me.”

I got into bed and waited for the night to pass when I heard the talking diamond scream. I jumped out of bed to see my tamed wolf, Sparky. Rummaging through the chest. Sparky grabbed a hold the talking diamond in its mouth!

“Help me!” the diamond shouted.

“What? I didn’t know wolfs could grab thing in Minecraft!”

“Well now you know! So, would you help me for craps sake!”

Sparky ran out the door with the diamond and I sprinted after him. A few mineuts later, I came across a pool of lava, Sparky was standing on the other side, wagging his tail excitedly.

“N-nice doggy. Give me the diamond.” I said, slowly walking closer to the wolf. Sparky tilted his head and sat down.

“Dammit! Would you just tell him to give me up already?” the diamond said in an impatient manner.

“Ok, fine! Drop it-! I mean, no! Don’t drop it!”

It was to late, Sparky did as my second command stated and let the diamond fall to his doom. The diamond screamed in pain as he slowly drowned in the boiling pool of death. He then set ablaze.

“Oh no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-!”

“Shut up,” the diamond said, “just tell my wife and children I love them!”

“Wait…you have a wife!? And children!? How the hell is that even possible!?”

But the diamond was never able to answer my question, for he had burned to crisps.

I continue to wonder why Mojang added an English-speaking diamond to minecraft in the first place. I also wonder what else could be hidden within the world of minecraft. Rip the talking diamond (not that I ever missed him) 2018-2018.