Talk:First story/@comment-36530255-20190607172350

Here's my reveiw:

I'll start out with the story, to me, it seems very cliché. Its basically about an evil entity that attacks a group of freinds for no reason, the end. The story is very quick pace, and the whole perspective is completely exaggerated with unnessicery caps (excuse my spelling I don't have spell check), and an abundance of "!!!!!!", including the fact that the narrator sounds like shes complaining, saying stuff like this for example: "I was, like, "WTF?!". It really kills the mood. There are some plot holes as well, like the fact that the entire time the protagonist and her freinds could have just left the game, becuase there don't seem to be any clues this mysterious Alex could of killed them if they weren't playing. I guess for whatever reason their Minecraft world was more important to them. Also, the message ".--ERROR-.-HACKER--." makes no sense. If Alex was just some hacker, how could she eliminate a player and cause them to die in real life? Another thing is that, the fact that Seth sacrifices himself makes no sense, Rose just hops right out and is like, "fIghT mE yOu aSsHole," and the game suddenly crashes for whatever reason. Completely futile. Did I mention they could've left the game? As for the grammar, it was decent, I understand the writer does not speak English often.

I'm not trying to discourage the writer, just giving out some tips. I'll give it a 1/10, it has potential.