Insomniac

The song : 

11:00. 

The moon shines bright in the night sky, the glittering stars complementing the beauty of the night. It’s a shame she can’t go out to see the beautiful night sky. In fact, she can’t even see outside the windows. It’s like the door and windows were boarded up with steel boards to take away all contact from the outside world.

The T.V is open. Static is the only thing displayed on the screen. She forgot how long she has been staring at the static with her round, bloodshot eyes that can’t seem to even blink.

It's the same each and every night.

Glare at my screen with two big bloodshot eyes.

12:00

She wonders how long it will take until she can free herself from this state of insanity. Empty sleeping pills litters the floor of the small apartment floor. Nothing is working. It feels like an eternity since she last slept. What happened to her internal clock? Hopelessness washes over her mind like a deadly poison. ' I'm stuck self-torturing; my meds are failing me.

Internal clock in smithereens.

Can't fix this, I'm hopeless.'

No matter how hard she tries to even just close her eyes, it just seems like her eyelids are glued apart. She can only helplessly lay on the couch and look at the T.V. She feels restless and her body is constantly trying to move.

'My eyes are stapled open wide,

As I lay down on my side.

I am bouncing off these walls.'

She can see dark figures in the dark, staring at her. She can also hear a familiar voice laughing maniacal laughter, though she didn’t know who it was from.  1:00

Her brain is slowly losing control of her body as her limbs twitch and spasm. She feels like her very existence is slowly fading away. She feels like a doll that’s falling apart by the seams. She continues to stare the screen of the T.V. ' Notice my hands begin to twitch.

Unprovoked assaulting of my conscious wit.

Me and the TV are enemies.

Sickening static surrounds my mind.''  2:00'''

She is sure that if someone was in this room at the moment, she would strangle them. In fact, she feels like she is going to start strangling herself very soon. Or is she already doing that? She isn’t sure. She can’t feel pain. She can’t feel anything at all. Oh wait. She isn’t strangling herself. One of her hand is reaching towards one of the full pill bottles on instinct in a feeble attempt to save her sanity. As she choked down the entire pill, she tried to close her eyes again. It didn’t work.

'I'm losing time, and realizing that

After days of thought that I'm

Stuck self-torturing; my meds are failing me.

Internal clock in smithereens.

Can't fix this, I'm hopeless.'

3:00  Her eyes are still wide open, but she thinks she blacked out once or twice. In the back of her mind, she remembered that what is happening to her right now are called ‘microsleep’. It’s a last resort technique the body uses in trying to save itself when the brain doesn’t receive enough sleep. She stood up and started pacing around, ripping her hair out as tears fell out of her eyes trying to moisten her bloodshot, dry eyes.

'My eyes are stapled open wide,

As I lay down on my side.

I am bouncing off these walls.'  4:00

Her blurry eyes spared a good look at the alarm clock next to the couch. Why isn’t it morning yet? It felt like centauries already. She still can’t sleep. Maybe if she strapped herself in bed, she will finally be able to sleep. ' As I focus on the clock,

Time stands still, but I cannot.

I should strap myself in bed. '

A thought came into her head:

I guess I'll sleep when I am dead.

5:00

Her eyelids are finally feeling heavy. Her head is breaking apart. She then realizes that the rambling and maniacal laughter was from her. Her body fell back onto the couch as a hint of sunlight streams through the cracks of the ‘steel boards’ barricading her window. Why is time going so slow? Her maniacal laughter finally reached her ears and registered in her blurry mind. She slowly stood up again. ' Talk to myself, lie in the darkness so content.

As the sun begins to rise, I can barely shut my eyes.

This crazed, delirious mess; laughing at everything I see.

My sanity is spent. Just tell me where my time went.

I'm losing it.  6:00' She bangs her head against the wall until she started bleeding. She laughs, and then screams: ' “Attention: All insomniacs, please raise your right hand.

And kindly, repeat after me.

‘I guess I'll sleep when I am dead!’"'

Her hand is actually choking herself now. Her breaking mind barely registered the sensation. ' 'Cause I'm stuck self-torturing; my meds are failing me.

Internal clock in smithereens.

Can't fix this, I'm hopeless.'' ''' She is still staring at the damned static. ' My eyes are stapled open wide,''

'''She is feeling lightheaded. She didn’t know if it was because of the amount of blood dripping down her forehead or if it’s because of the hand strangling herself. Her body fell back on the couch again.

'As I lay down on my side.

I am bouncing off these walls.

As I focus on the clock,'

Maybe she should just get that rope and strap herself into bed. Or hang herself. Were these two different things? She can’t remember. She can’t remember anything. She only wants to be able to sleep. ' Time stands still, but I cannot.

I should strap myself in bed.

I guess I'll sleep when I am dead.''' '' 7:00 A crimson liquid passes through her field of vision. Something warm and sticky is dripping down her head. She is losing grip on reality. She feels the warm embrace the darkness finally reach her mind.

I guess I'll sleep when I am-

Her body went limp.

8:00

She is finally asleep.

''Breaking news! A dead corpse has been found in xxx apartment. The body belongs to a 12 years old female child. No guardians of the child can be found. If anyone knows any blood relatives to this ward, then please contact xxx-xxx-xxxx for them to come and collect the body.

Now, back to the regular program.''