Talk:Life with Eye/@comment-34601114-20181114233929

Okay. This is basically cliche free, but I'll list the one or two I found at the bottom. In the meantime:


 * 1) Provide a little more motive for the player. All you said was the wanted to blow up some TNT. Why? Did he do it for his YT channel? To push the limits of the world? Just for fun? Giving the character some motive or backstory makes them dynamic and relatable.
 * 2) Why is the Eye in the crater? That part's slightly confusing. How and where did Notch find the eye? If he found her while the game was indev it would make a lot more sense.
 * 3) The story's very factual. The MC doesn't really talk much about their feelings or that they think about things, just sort of respond to actions that happen. Try and get more reactions into the story.
 * 4) Employees getting jealous/killing someone is really overused from what I've seen. You put a twist on it and made it so that Notch himself actually died instead though, which is good.
 * 5) This one's very minor, but typically you write numbers in their word form, i.e 5 would be five. It just makes the writing flow a bit better.

Probably the main thing for this is that the main character needs to be a bit more realistic since they kind of seem a bit robotic, unless you actually want the character to act like that though(some people do). Other than that, this is fine. 7/10