Board Thread:Shitposting/Random crap/@comment-34357309-20180113142427

I'm going to fail this lol but I wanted to show u all as its funny.

A Collection of Absolutely Random Events 

'''  It had been a dark and stormy night, but many had been working in their offices. Jason had been hard at work all night, tacking away on his keyboard, his loyalty to his low paying job sickened him, but subconsciously made him proud of himself. He was not much of the type to be home a lot, as he lived alone and he had to work long hours and overtime to be able to afford food and his dirty apartment. He had no pets. His mother had died when he was young and his father was in a mental hospital after gaining an extreme case of dementia that affected his memory severely. '''

'''  He always pondered whether it was stupidity or money that kept him coming to this doomed company. He knows someday that the company will be shut down and he will be out of a job. He wonders if he would mentally crack or be left on the streets if it happens. Not being able to afford an apartment, or food, he would die within weeks, days even. Some days he wonders whether to end it all or keep going on the hard road that life offers him. He was never particularly religious, but he believed there was a God and goes to Church on holidays or the very rare days he gets off. '''

'''He closed his laptop, packed up his things, and walked out of the building after putting on his hat and jacket. In the streets, he really wondered if he should just skip the hassle of life. He was conflicted and good and evil surged through his mind trying to each win. He didn't notice however that high up in the clouds, his emotional disturbance was sensed by three angels. '''

'''They all looked down at him with sadness. They couldn't let this man do what he was planning on doing. “Maybe we should convince him to not do it?” One of the angels proposed. “How do we do that?” Pondered the second one. “We could parody that one movie…” the third one said. A disapproving yet pondering look appeared on the other’s faces. “If we do that, wouldn't that be lazy storytelli-” “HEY!!!” A voice from above cut him off. “I WILL HAVE NO FOURTH WALLS BEING BROKEN TODAY, UNDERSTAND!?!?” It yelled. “But aren't you breaking it yourself by interjecting into the story to tell us off?” One of the angels objected. The voice paused. “Darn it.” It sighed. “Whatever. Just don't do it again, okay?” It asked. The angels nodded and the voice disappeared. '''

'''“Anyways… this stor-” the angel sensed a strong presence that urged him not to continue that sentence. “Uhhh… this event needs to go on, how about we just all go and don't parody that one movie?” The angels all agreed but one of them still had one question: “Why did this story take a comedic turn all of a sudden?” He asked. They sensed the presence again and decided to get out of there quickly before the voice noticed they broke the fourth wall again. '''

'''So the angels flew down to Jason who was sitting on a bench sadly. On the way down however, the third angel crashed and hit a rock, but got up. He still seemed dizzy however. Jason saw them and pinched himself as if he thought he was dreaming. “Have I cracked up?” He asked them. “Only if you can see the adorable flying rainbow pig over there.” The third angel said. “No, but he has…” The second angel sighed. “Listen, come with us.” The angel said grabbing on to Jason’s arm. Jason reluctantly followed the two angels. The third angel face planted on to the ground laughing like a maniac. “Bye bye birdies!” He laughed as he slammed his head into the ground repeatedly for no apparent reason. He got up and followed the others after still wobbling. '''

'''“Listen, my name is Ed, next to me is Clyde, and the idiot attempting to eat a tree is Jeff.” The first angel said. “Tastes like noodle sandwich!” Jeff said in the background. “Okay… so what are you guys doing here?” Jason asked. “Trying to convince you that you have stuff to live for.” Clyde responded. “But after this, we need to get Jeff to a hospital, I think he hit his head a little too hard…” Ed said looking back at Jeff who was trying to catch birds with his hands. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">“Okay, so what do I have to live for?” Jason asked them. “That's what we're working on.” Clyde replied. “You guys seem bad at your job.” Jason pointed out. “If we weren't, how would this story be funny?” Ed responded. “WHAT DID I TELL YOU TEN MINUTES AGO!?!?!?!?!” The voice said. “Not to break the fourth wall, obviously.” Clyde said. “Hello again, funny sounding invisible man!” Jeff said in the background. “I did tell you that and what did you just do?” The voice asked. “I told you that you told us to not break the fourth wall.” Clyde replied. The voice sighed and it's presence disappeared. “Nice one.” Ed fist bumped Clyde. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">“Anyways… this has been weird.” Jason said. “I LIKE TO GO CHEW ON SIRENS!!!!!” Jeff screamed at the top of his lungs while running upside down using his arms as legs. “Okay… so again, why should I stay alive, I have nothing to live for.” Jason asked. “Well, when your father dies, you inherit $100,000,000,000 because he actually won the lottery yesterday while thinking he had used that card before.” Ed said. “...I’M RICH!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” Jason said running around laughing like a maniac. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">Suddenly, Jeff got up. “So there you have it dear reader, humans only live for money and power as when Jason’s father dies, he'll be rich forever and will live a less pitiful existence...” Jeff said. “Hey Jeff… who are you talking to-” “...but it's sad how he is getting the money and even sadder that he doesn't care. We came here on important business to save a life, but in the end, we were just messengers for the whole thing. We got into too many antics and it distracted us from what we were meant to do. I know you may have found this story dark, yet comedic, but this is sad. If you liked this ending… then you disgust me!” He said crossing his arms. “OKAY, OKAY!!!!! STOP ANTAGONIZING THE READERS, YOU’LL RUIN THE WHOLE STORY!!!!!” The voice roared. “Sorry froggy.” '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">“Okay, so I'm going to be rich in a few years.” Jason said. “Pretty much. I really don't like how this story ended though.” Ed sighed. “How about we just go back in time to the beginning of our part and stop us from seeing Jason?” Clyde said. “Good idea, but however, where would we get a time machine?” Ed asked. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">Meanwhile on a plane 78 miles away… 

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">“HELP!!!!! WE’RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!” A worker said. “Then let's let go of some stuff, like that time machine and size-changing spray.” Another worker said. All of the workers agreed and they opened up a hatch and released the time machine and size-changing spray. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">Back to our heroes… 

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">“I don't know, I mean, it's not like one’s gonna fall out of the sky or something.” Ed sighed. Suddenly, a time machine and a spray canister fell on Jeff’s head. Jeff fell to the ground and groaned. “Where am I?” He asked. “YAY, HE’S NOT AN IDIOT ANYMORE!!!!!” Everyone cheered. So they figured out how to use the time machine and went back in time to the beginning. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">First there was nothing. And then there was God. He said: “Let there be light!” And then light appeared. Then, he- “Too far back.” Jason said turning the knobs on the time machine farther. They suddenly appeared in the clouds and saw the three younger angels. So the angels met up with their former selves, told them what happened, and they decided to not help Jason this time, and everyone except for Jason for a few years who never did what he planned to do and everyone lived happily ever after. '''

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;">'''<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;">The End. ''' <ac_metadata title="My Creative Writing" notify_everyone="1515853467"> </ac_metadata>