Talk:Batwing4 Beckons Me (2) Hunted/@comment-26318250-20170715033811

This story has taken quite an absurd turn. I still believe that it is an original story, but there are a few problems.

1. Why aren't the parents concerned that they have a weird black thing in their house with their kid? What makes the parents trust Null enough to let him be with their kid? Especially after hearing Null's story about scaring things, the parents are not concerned in the slightest. Null could well want to kidnap the guy, and the parents simply do not care.

2. Now, how old is the protagonist? 14, 15? Because if so, why does he have a fully functional replica of a Diamond Sword. Now, this poses more questions. How did him and his friend manage to create a fully functional sword replica? Why aren't the parents much concerned about their kid having a FULLY FUNCTIONAL dangerous sword replica?

3. What's up with constantly kissing Null? Don't tell me that...

4. Why does it seem that nobody from their street cared about their fully fledged swordfight with a flying gorey kid? It seems that absolutely nobody heard the sounds of such a sword fight, or they just didn't care. That is, considering human nature simply impossible. People would want to see a kid sword fight with a flying ghost kid, along with a black void girl nearby. Prople would simply want that.

5. If they really wanted Null to be hidden, why did they give her such an obvious username? "Null44", that's exactly what any capturers looking for her would want. And on top of that, did the kid have another PC in his room for Null to play on, or did she somehow login through his PC?

6. Again, Creepypastas shoehorned in there, but I could not care less. However the problem arises in the next part, where they all enter his house. Two more strangers with a history of allegedly killing and haunting players, and I wonder if the parents will care in the slightest. If they just accept them in their house, then those are one bad parents there...

I am not saying this story is completely bad, no. However, it does have some problems in there that should be fixed in the following stories in the series. Good luck!